The Secret Log of KW5: The Return of Penzi

On Nov 13 three special agents were dispatched from KW5 (the clandestine force protecting Key West from bigotry, oppression and global warming) This crack team consisted of: Keith, code name: Scar lip; Tom, code name: Mandana; Christy, code name: Organic. Our mission: bring back the top secret experimental vessel Penzi, which has been used for the last 6 months to research the use of the wind to travel long distances (also equipped with classified power generating units that use the sun). Penzi was hidden deep in the tropical river know as the Rio Dulce, Guatemala, and getting it back was going to take all of this teams strength, skill, cunning, wit and good looks...

Immediately after the stealth jet landed in Guatemala City the agents went to a local market in an attempt to see how the “locals” looked and behaved. This would help them blend in better and evade detection from the evil Cheney-Cronies. Agent Mandana was first to notice a serious pre-arrival intelligence failure: everyone here is short and dark, we are all tall and white, except agent Organic, she is short, but white and with prominent tattoos... So, blending in was not an option, so we decided to appear to be “typical American tourists” - much easier. In order to seem as “tourist” as possible, agent Mandana and agent Organic embarked on a shopping spree of typical Guatemalan crafts.

Once laden with our “touristy” cover of shopping bags and Tommy Bahama shirts, we took a 6 hour bus ride to the Rio Dulce. Six weeks ago agent Scar Lip and agent Prego had stashed Penzi somewhere along this wild tropical river, now we needed to find it again. Unfortunately, agent Scar Lip's memory is not what it used to be, so we had to take a “launcha” boat down river to search for Penzi. After about an hour agent Mandana spotted the vessel and we were able to board and take possession of the boat without having to terminate any locals or hostile forces (we did have to scare some birds away that pooped on the deck).

After provisioning for the long trip back to Key West, we headed to Livingston to attempt to clear the gauntlet of Guatemalan customs, immigration and port captain. This is when agent Scar Lip took enemy fire. After using local KW5 contact, Raul, to squeeze through the officialdom, agent Scar Lip dove into the river to protect Penzi from an enemy bucket floating nearby, but ended up sustaining a deep gash in his lip that had to be sutured closed with 6 stitches before we could depart for Belize.

It was quiet as we motored out into the Caribbean from Guatemala, too quiet. Agent Organic was concerned about the rumors of a weather weapon the Cheney-Cronies were rumored to be ready to test. Twelve hours later the wind built and it was right on our bow, so we motored on for 2 days into 20 knots of wind and squalls of rain. Scar Lip and Organic began to lose functionality as the crashing waves caused Penzi to lurch in all directions. Mandana, however, was using an experimental drug that gave him relative immunity to the mind sapping pitch and surge. We sustained ourselves on KW5 emergency rations: cookies, chips, chocolate, oatmeal, and cantaloupe (in that order).

On our way to San Pedro, Belize, the enemies of free energy and pesticide free food mounded up sea grass and sand in 3 places in an attempt to slow or stop our progress. But each time Penzi felt the earth below her keel, our team snapped into action, turning the wheel and backing down. We would not be so easily foiled!

Once in San Pedro, agent Scar Lip took care of bribing the customs and immigration officials while Organic and Mandan once again attempted to maintain the cover of tourists by engaging in copious amounts of shopping. It was when we returned to Penzi that we discovered a saboteur had been on board during our absence! Fuel and water were missing from the tanks and a motor mount had been broken! We were ready for this type of attack: we ran our water maker to replenish the water, obtained local fuel (at very high costs – note to KW5 accountant) and found a welder sympathetic to our cause to repair the motor mount. We left the next day to avoid any further sabotage.

Again, an intelligence failure. Our sources had informed us that there was 20 knots of wind from the North East, not the perfect weather for our mission, but we are agents not lilly-livered snail-suckers – we can handle sailing (beating) into 20 knots. But, it wasn't 20 knots, it turned into 30-35 knots. That is enough to get agent Scar Lip vomiting on the fore deck while reefing the staysail in 15 foot seas at 3:00 am. Agent Organic curled into a defensive ball sometimes referred to as the fetal position. Mandana kept the team together for the next 2 days, during which time we only made 86 miles towards our destination.

Eventually the evil Cheney-Cronies wind machine began to fail: no match for the will and determination of finest of KW5. The safe harbor of Isla Mujeres, Mexico was within sight when we encountered engine failure. Saboteurs again! This time they had deposited lager quantities of rust flakes into the metal fuel tank of Penzi. Scar Lip used go-go-gadget magnet to extract the debris and replaced the filter (this happened a total of 4 times on the journey). We arrived in Isla Mujeres without further incident, but discovered one of the batteries had also been destroyed by the enemies of peaceful existence. We made repairs, shopped more, made contact with KW5 home team (Caroline, Cheryl and Marianne) provisioned and left the next day for our final destination: Key West. We knew evil could be lurking behind every wave, but we could not let our extreme paranoia end our mission.

What luck KW5 home team was able to knock out the bigoted, right-wing weather manipulator and we ailed along at 5-7 knots as the Gulf Stream (controlled by KW5) boosted us towards home. Two days out, in the middle of the night, a remote controlled vampire bat chewed through the head strap of the genoa and we were forced to roll it up. But there was too much at stake, we needed to get back to Key West ASAP. The home team was becoming increasingly stressed and stretched thin without us. We had an agent meeting and decided to attempt repairs in the daylight – after and omelet for breakfast and mini-pizzas for lunch. Organic took the helm and kept Penzi as steady as possibly in the insolent chop of the Gulf Stream, Mandana manned the hoist line and Scar Lip climbed to the top of the mast to retrieve the jib halyard. It was scary, it was gutsy, it was weird. Scar Lip was slam dancing with a 45 foot pole. We succeeded and brought the halyard down to the deck. An hour later the genoa was re-sewn and we hoisted it again. Seven knots of speed, straight for Key West!

At 2:00 am on the morning of our 4^th day at sea from Isla Mujeres, agent Organic used our top secret communication device to send first text message, and then later, a voice communication with the KW5 home team. The home team cleared and secured the area for our arrival. At approximately 4:30 am local time we spotted the coded waves from the KW5 home team at the dock. Penzi was brought up alongside and hugs and kisses were exchanged (we are a very loving, and close , secret spy agency).

Penzi is back. The technological information gathered by her original crew, Scar Lip and Prego, will now be disseminated and used for the good of all humanity. The forces of the unaccepting narrow-minded have been defeated, for now. But, we must always remain vigilant so that rights, opportunity and love may be bestowed and endowed to ALL people.

KW5, signing off.